Collective Nouns That Aren't Real But Should Be

You've probably heard of a murder of crows and a pod of whales, but maybe you didn't know about a huddle of penguins or a congress of baboons. And unless you were playing along with #collectivenouns this week on Twitter, there are even more obscure group names you didn't know. Here's a recap with some favorites:

You might call them a "herd of hippos," but that's wrong:

In the wild you might see a "colony of rabbits," but under your couch...

There were some literary submissions:

And speaking of homonyms:

Writing is a lonely profession, but if you find yourself in a group:

And here are the group names for a few other professions (including one of my own contributions):

There were a couple of squees:

And of course zombie groups:

There were a lot more, of course, but it's still not an exhaustive list. What are some of your favorite collective nouns-- real or made up?

"An unproductivity of people who sit around thinking of collective nouns," for example.

That's What (S)he said: Weekly Round-Up

The other day I wrote about several recent and upcoming elephant books for kids. Thankfully, you can never have too many elephant books, and none of them look similar to my own book. But maybe you've had that problem--you had a great idea for a book, then discover that someone else (or a few someone elses) wrote a book a lot like it. Now what? See Jen Nadol's guest post on the Cynsations blog, "Oh No! Someone Used My Idea!"

A trending topic on Twitter that's funny for some reason we can't explain and might have stolen some of my productivity this week is #replacebooktitleswithbacon. Some favorites: Are You There, God? It's Me, Bacon, How Stella Got Her Bacon Back, and Something Bacon This Way Comes.

One thing that keeps me reading a book is wondering how in the world the character is going to make it through his predicament. Are the stakes high enough in your own book? Not until the reader can't see a way out. Kara Lennox has a great article, "Is Your Black Moment Enough?" on Anna DeStefano's blog.

If you're interested in author marketing, be sure to bookmark Kristen Lamb's blog. We authors are really good at networking with each other, but it's harder to reach out to our readers online. "The Secret to Selling Books Part I--Let's Get Sticky", shows how we can better connect with our audience.

Here's a video I just saw today, but I have a feeling it'll go viral. Perfectly captures the emotional stages a writer goes through when writing a novel. I especially love the editing stage:


What happens to an elephant who survives a land mine explosion? If she knows the right people, she gets a giant prosthetic leg! Edited to add: Just saw that there's a documentary being made about the hospital that cares for this elephant and others injured by land mines. Learn more and see the trailer on the Eyes of Thailand website.

In other animal news, how can you not love a girl who punches a bear in the face to save her dog?

Have a fun and safe holiday weekend! Watch out for bears. But if you do see one, you know what to do now.

We Weren't Even Drinking When We Wrote the Acknowledgments

I found out today that I need to turn in my acknowledgments page. It's kind of fun, remembering all the people who've helped me with the research, writing, and editing of CHAINED, but I'm still worried about turning it in. What if I sound like a dork? Or I'm too wordy? Worse, what if I'm not wordy enough and I forget someone? I've kept a running list of people to thank, but I'm sure I didn't list everyone who answered a question or two.

I mentioned on Twitter that I'd like to just thank everyone I've ever met and call it done. Or I could submit my list of Twitter followers. There are some pretty awesome people.

A few of those awesome people joined in on the fun and offered more acknowledgment page suggestions.

Here are some alternatives to turning in my Twitter list or the "Thank you, everyone I've ever met" document.

Just imagining everyone's confusion would make these worthwhile.

This goes well with, "Any mistakes should be credited to people who told me wrong stuff."

Then we got even sillier, thinking about the thanks we owe to Cheez-Its and cupcakes and other refreshments.

Nothing gets done without the beverages. And chocolate.

Gah! How could I forget the elephants? And elephant keeper story would be really boring without any elephants. Ok, so it's everyone I've ever met, my Twitter list, random people, me, snacks, beverages, and elephants. That should be it.

Oh no. If we're including the air we breathe this could lead to an exhaustive list of Things We Need...

I'm starting to feel like Navin Johnson leaving home:


Ok, anyone else I could be forgetting?


Of course, the Romans. They want credit for everything.

Well, you know what's going to happen now. This'll just start a whole new debate.


So, writers who've been through this before, how did you decide who to include on your acknowledgments page? Were you able to list everyone you wanted to, or did you have to keep it short? Did you leave anyone out and regret it later? Any hints you can share will be appreciated. Really, I'd thank each and every one of you.

Dubious Honors I Present to Authors As I Glare At Them Reproachfully

I'm always reading something, so I've wondered for a long time how many books I read in a year. I really had no idea, since it takes a while to finish a book if I'm busy with other things, and other times I'll read a couple books a week.

This year I kept track for the first time. It turned out to be a pretty long list--thirty-nine books, including three audiobooks--but I not as long as I would have guessed. It's heavy in young adult novels, probably because that's what I was writing this year. I'll be catching up on my middle grade books now because I know there were a lot of good ones this year I don't want to miss out on.



I loved so many of the books I read, it's almost impossible to choose my favorites, but I'll mention a few in particular here. Some of the awesome books I read are 2011 releases; I'm not including those authors on my awards list below since this is about some of my 2010 favorites. Later I'll be saying more here or elsewhere about this year's releases, like agent-sister Veronica Roth's Divergent, Will Write For Cake member Christina Mandelski's The Sweetest Thing, and those by Elevensies authors I've interviewed for The Apocalypsies blog--Kristi Cook (Haven) and Beth Revis (Across the Universe).


I've seen a lot of "Best Books of the Year" and "Favorite Books of 2010" lists, so I'll do something a little different. 
It's an award list, of sorts.

Authors Of 2010 I Blame Things On 


1.  My year began with Jo Knowles and not enough exercise. As soon as I finished Lessons From A Dead Girl, I had to get Jumping Off Swings, which I liked even more. The guy I hated at the beginning had me crying by the end because I loved him so much. Although I read the books fairly quickly, there were a few days there when I really meant to get out and exercise, but couldn't bring myself to put the books down and get off the couch. So I am blaming you, Jo Knowles, for my big butt. Don't give me any excuses about too much chocolate having something to do with it, or how a few days couldn't make that much of a difference. This is all on you. Imagine my scowl as I hand you the Trophy of the Sofa Butt. (Don't imagine what the trophy looks like, just my scowl.)

2.  And you, C.J. Omololu. I love shows like Hoarders, so I was sure I'd love your book. But how's this for irony? As I read Dirty Little Secrets, about a home that's pathologically messy, my house just got messier. I really felt like cleaning my house. I honestly hoped there wouldn't be an emergency, because I would be too embarrassed to call 911 and risk paramedics seeing how long it had been since I did the dishes. But I had to keep reading to see what Lucy was going to do about her predicament. When I finished the book I was motivated to clean the house pretty well, but it was bad there for a while. So to you, C.J., I give the Failure of a Housekeeper Award. It's a mop. Don't worry, it's clean.

3.  Then there's Jandy Nelson. I must tell any writers who pick up The Sky Is Everywhere: you will throw this book down in despair and shake your fists at the heavens while you wail, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" Don't say I didn't warn you people. How dare someone write a first novel that's that good? Sure, she's probably working on her 17th writing-related master's degree as I write this, but still, could she have been a little more considerate and toned down the awesomeness? It's enough to make the rest of us want to give up on the whole writing thing. For that reason, I present the Throw In The Towel award to Jandy Nelson, and I am throwing that towel really hard.

4.  You're next, Carrie Ryan. I'll admit, reading The Dead-Tossed Waves inspired me to make some cool little forts in the living room, but who am I kidding? My card table and couch cushions aren't going to protect me when the real zombie apocalypse hits. And when will that be? We don't know, do we? They could be at my window right now. How many nights did I lie awake and wonder about every noise I heard? And do you know how silly it feels to leap out of your chair and scream with fear, so startled when toast pops up? Not since Nightmare on Elm Street have I been so afraid to fall asleep. For you, Carrie Ryan, The Too Exhausted to Fight the Zombies Award. It's a black shopping bag, symbolic of what you've done to the area under my eyes.

5. And where do you think you're going, Josh Berk? Don't think you're off the hook. There I was, enjoying every minute of The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin. How many people can pull off writing a murder mystery that's also laugh-out-loud funny? What a great character that Will Halpin is. And what part to I get to when I'm reading during a break at work? His post-lobster-ravioli um, "upset stomach," if I'm putting it euphemistically. ("Explosive diarrhea" if I'm not.) And what do you think I'd brought for lunch that day? Yes, lobster ravioli, dammit. Do you know the odds of this happening? About one in however-many-days-I've-been-alive, since I'd never had it before. I had it in an insulated lunch bag, but how reliable are those things, does anyone really know? So I threw it away. Which means I had to buy a replacement lunch which probably cost me like, $7 or something. So here, Josh Berk, The Lost Lunch Award, since you quite literally made me lose my lunch. Your trophy is a lunch sack filled with warm lobster ravioli and wrath. Enjoy.

Which authors deserve an award from you? Just make a list of your shortcomings and look over your reading list, you'll come up with something. Think how much better you'll feel.

And watch it, authors of 2011. I have my eye on you.