Because a Tiled Car Would Be Ridiculous

Usually when I leave work I'm ready to hurry home to all the fun I'm missing on the Internet get back to writing a new novel, but I saw something the other day that made me turn around and re-park. 

Never mind the hubcaps, just make sure it's well carpeted

Here's a view from the front.

You'd never believe it without the pictures, right? And you'd never get away with writing such a spectacle into a story. Imagine the conversation that would go on if you were getting a critique of a novel about a character who had such a car.

"Wait a minute, so...he got the car carpeted?"

"That's right."

"But...how? Why?"

"The carpet store would do it, I guess. Or maybe an auto shop. Maybe there's a guy at the auto shop who's a carpet installer. And he got it done because it looks awesome and it was cheaper than a paint job."

"Is it outdoor carpet?"

"Nope. Just regular carpet, like you'd get in your living room."

"I guess it would save money on car washes."

"Sure, he wouldn't go to the car wash. Well, except to use the vacuum."

"So what does he do when it rains? Cover it with a giant shower cap?"

"I don't know. Stays home, maybe."

"Well that's convenient. And what's with the skulls?"

"It's decorated with a few animal skulls. Other animal bones, too. Like legs, maybe. Oh, and overturned salad bowls."

"Oh, come ON!" 

I know, it's completely unrealistic, yet here we are. Carpeted and beskulled and bebowled.

And in case you couldn't see the hood ornament well enough:

I did go on home after gawking and getting the pictures, although I was tempted to just hang out by the car until the owner returned so I could ask how this all happened. And really, I think we can safely assume the owner isn't a criminal or anything. Wouldn't make the best getaway car, would it? "Sorry, ma'am, we lost the assailant after a brief chase, when he blended in with all the other cars covered with home flooring...".

Come to think of it, my car did look really boring parked next to this one. Thankfully the cobblestones have really livened it up.

Now That's a Photo Op

File this under "What were they thinking?" or "Accidental Google Images results that make me want to stab my eyes out."

While doing some sort of elephantish search for my editor, I came across this playground slide:

How does something like that get designed? The people engineering these things have to be pretty smart, right? What was the conversation like at the office that day?

"Hey, Mortimer, how's the elephant project coming along?"

"Fantastic, Claude! Just finishing up."

"You were able to make the trunk wide enough for the slide?"

"No, I had a better idea. Look, the kids will go on a journey through the elephant's colon!"

"Brilliant!"

Here's the most surprising thing--there's more than one playground with an elephant butt slide.

I do love elephants, but do I love them enough to go through one of these slides? 

Actually, now that I think about it, if I came across one of these I probably wouldn't be able to resist climbing in. Of course I'd first have to hand someone my camera to snap a picture of my glorious exit. 

So where are these slides, does anyone know? Think of the lovely author photos these would make. 

For more horrific playground equipment, see this Huffington Post article and this one from Acid Cow.

And while we're on the subject, what the hell is wrong with this monkey?