Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What the Higgs Boson Particle Will Be Doing Now That It's a Celebrity

This morning the CERN in Switzerland announced the discovery of the Higgs boson particle, which is really important and which you can learn more about from people who are super-smart in science, like here and here.

Nicknamed "The God particle," the Higgs boson has also been called "The Celebrity Particle," which means of course that I now picture it strutting around wearing giant sunglasses while avoiding paparazzi.

So now that it's famous, here are a few more things we can expect from Higgs boson in the coming years:

1. Hospitalized for "exhaustion" after behaving erratically and showing up late to work.

2. Insists being called by its Kabbalah name, "Esther."

3. Adopts lone pairs of electrons and gives them all weird names like Pomegranate, Paprika, and Suri.

4. Uploads series of rambling videos, exclaiming, "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a frickin' rock star from Mars," and "Higging!"

5. Punches a TMZ camera after bar fight with Lindsay Lohan.

6. "Forgets" to wear underpants when leaving home.

7. Never mind that it never drives, it's totally buying a Ferrari in every color.

8. Interrupts every Nobel Prize Award acceptance speech by grabbing the microphone and saying, "I'ma let you finish, but Peter Higgs had the best discovery of all time!"

9. Fires everyone who doesn't support its new career as hip-hop artist Higgy G.

10. Gets a book deal for a young adult novel, even after bragging "I've never been much of a reader."

I'm sure there are more antics and adventures I haven't thought of--let me know what else you think the suddenly famous particle will be up to!


  1. Didn't Higgs get caught "banging" a hooker?

  2. You crack me up!! I think one of those particles is jumping on my new couch right now!

    1. Oh no! Not sure what happens when such a particle gets that excited. It's probably going to marry a much younger particle.

  3. Searches for a particle half its age to hook up with.

    1. No doubt. Then commence the couch-jumping that Gina mentioned.

    2. Poor Higgs boson particle. Its future is so easy to predict. I bet it's already wishing it would've remained anonymous. The price of fame . . .

  4. LOL--this is brilliant! Especially like #2 and #3. And #10 is sad, but true!